BREAKING NEWS
November 18, 2009
Elena Alexandrov
Earth — After 2000 years of public silence, Jesus Christ, 2009, arrived to earth this morning in order to give a press conference.
Jesus, who was accompanied by his entourage, Mohammed, Buddha, Ganesha, Elena G. White and Joseph Smith, said that "he was happy to be back" and "is here to give a message from his father".
"First, and foremost, creating man was a mistake... just look at one" said an enthusiastic Christ while smiling towards the cameras - "We therefore chose to create woman - who is the perfect being".
When questioned about the creation of man, Christ replied that "Man was simply a prototype. Sadly we could not recover the original blueprints of woman since they were stolen by Lucifer, who now uses them to lure people to hell with pornography, whores and whatever a woman could do to incite and manipulate man - it's the perfect weapon".
Is lesbianism ok?
Since the press conference, ultra feminist and lesbian advocate Rosie Fritz, 25, commented that this may be the indirect way of God agreeing to woman on woman action, however, her dreams were soon crushed when a heaven spokesperson replied "We do not comment on rumor or speculation - that's what religion is for".
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
God's Evil Plan
November 17, 2009
Faruk Muhti
Editorial Newsroom
San Jose, Costa Rica — With war and violence breaking throughout the world being justified by religious beliefs, it finally seems that God's evil plan is finally coming together.
"He wants us all dead!" said local nutcase Father Amado Fuentes, 65, while sipping his morning coffee "His plan is perfect - He has given us free will and tricked us into freely interpreting his scriptures making us believe that He is different per country, region or religion - and that we must kill for Him".
However, this is not something new as most religions that believe in God have killed, kill or will kill in His Holy name, as theologist Marta Castro, 37, explains "it started with the Jews, then the Romans, the Catholics, the Arabs, the Christians, the Mormons - everyone just kills in the name of God - Apparently, people that go to church or follow a religion are gullible to do whatever the leader tells them to do... as long as it's in God's name they will be saved".
Is it his plan?
Mormon Bill Montana ,45, says "Of course it is -according to the scriptures, God knows everything - just as I know blacks are decedents of Cain, and are cursed, that's why they're black!".
And what may His plan be? As said in the scriptures, He wants us all dead in order to be judged and then apparently resurrect. How is he going to do this? What better (evil) way then having us kill each other.
Faruk Muhti
Editorial Newsroom
San Jose, Costa Rica — With war and violence breaking throughout the world being justified by religious beliefs, it finally seems that God's evil plan is finally coming together.
"He wants us all dead!" said local nutcase Father Amado Fuentes, 65, while sipping his morning coffee "His plan is perfect - He has given us free will and tricked us into freely interpreting his scriptures making us believe that He is different per country, region or religion - and that we must kill for Him".
However, this is not something new as most religions that believe in God have killed, kill or will kill in His Holy name, as theologist Marta Castro, 37, explains "it started with the Jews, then the Romans, the Catholics, the Arabs, the Christians, the Mormons - everyone just kills in the name of God - Apparently, people that go to church or follow a religion are gullible to do whatever the leader tells them to do... as long as it's in God's name they will be saved".
Is it his plan?
Mormon Bill Montana ,45, says "Of course it is -according to the scriptures, God knows everything - just as I know blacks are decedents of Cain, and are cursed, that's why they're black!".
And what may His plan be? As said in the scriptures, He wants us all dead in order to be judged and then apparently resurrect. How is he going to do this? What better (evil) way then having us kill each other.
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